"...The human animal needs a Good Reason to get out of bed on a wretched morning in February. Nothing is moving out there on the icy streets except drunk drivers, desperate criminals, & people who don't have the imagination to call in sick for work. Hell, there are plenty of good reasons to wake up sick this time of year: the flu, Ague Fever, shin splints, Chicken pox, projectile vomiting, Rickets - even Black Hairy Tongue Disease, which is extremely contagious.It is not enough to be merely in real pain or suffering from a Nervous Breakdown. That is not Contagious, and Contagious is what you need. It has to be something that even the Boss might catch & die from. Mad Cow Disease is big in the news right now, and people are deathly afraid of it. I have seen people go rigid with Fear at the sight of a brain damaged cow with wild eyes staggering crazily around in circles with its legs caving in and its spine seizing up & its hooves lashing out in the air.
"Yes sir," I like to say to them, "and it is spreading to humans now. One wrong hamburger is all it takes. There's no cure, and it spreads like wildfire. You can kill five or six people just by talking to them." You won't have to worry about having to show up for work, once they hear you saying you have Mad Cow Disease. It's a guaranteed excuse for not showing up at Work or anywhere else. And nobody is going to come around checking on you, either. Never in hell. You will be lucky if your neighbours don't nail your doors shut and and burn your house down.
Luckily, I am not afflicted with Mad Cow - or any of the others, either, as far as I know. Knock on wood for that, eh? You bet. I am as healthy as I need to be, these days. But I am rarely without access to by trusty Pathologies text. It is a bulky book, very awkvard to carry around, but I can open it to just about any page & find three good reasons for Not doing anything at all. Check it out."
Hey Rube, Hunter S. Thompson.
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